|
Eight
Pages of fans worst movies they have seen
Page1,
Page 2,Page
3, Page 4,Page
5,Page 6,
Page
7,Page
8
Patrick
Brown
1.
Armageddon "Oh no! The incredibly vital thing doesn't
work!" All run around shouting for ten minutes while things
blow up. Then kick it. It works. Phew. "Oh no! Another incredibly
vital thing doesn't work!" Repeat until audience is muttering
"hurry up and get killed so we can all go home."
2.
Up at the Villa is the only movie I have seen in recent
memory that outdoes Armageddon of badness is Up At The Villa
which was set in Italy shortly before World War Two among
a bunch of posh English people. It was adapted from a novel,
aparently by someone who'd never met a human being, judging
by the way the characters communicated in uninterrupted twenty
minute speeches while the other characters stood around and
smiled at them.
3.
A Time To Kill Truly awful. I nearly fell out with the
people I saw this with for making me watch it.
4.
The Man in the Iron Mask try this for the "so bad it's
quite funny" thing, with little Leo diCaprio. The only film
I've ever seen in which someone escapes from jail up someone
else's jumper.
5.
Pulp Fiction The "So Overrated It's Not True" award, beating
Blade Runner by a whisker, please put your hands together
for Pulp Fiction.
Roger
Eastaff
1.
The Bodyguard the worst chick flick ever made.I had to
be restrained by friends to stop me asking for my money back,
and that song (Shudder) just when you think its finished it
gets up and assaults you again, just like the bad guy in a
cheapo horror flick.
2.
Judge Dredd Total and utter disappointment.
3.
Robin Hood prince of crap(Prince Of Thieves), and about
every other Legend/ Historical event that Hollywood has re-written.
4.
Dirty Dancing the second worst chick flick ever. cheesy
dialogue, cheesy music and an ex girlfriend who used to watch
it every other day.
5.
Godzilla (98) Big budgets don't make great movies, every
rubber suited Toho movie was miles better than this (well
maybe not Godzilla Vs Hedorah). How the hell do you lose a
monster that big, even in New York.
Jon
P
1.
The Revenge of the Pink Panther The first time I saw this
I couldn't believe what Blake Edwards had done. A complete
rip-off on the fact that Peter Sellers had just died and he
wanted to ensure the continuation of the series. Stupid out-takes,
a cobbling together of plot-strands that mesmerise in their
entanglement and the jokes... ok so there weren't any jokes.
Utterly, utterly dire!
2.
Percy Whoever sold a studio on the idea for the first
penis transplant probably laughed all the way to the bank.
Not clever, not good and certainly not funny, a complete waste
of the talents of most of the British comedy scene of the
time (which doesn't say much!)
3.
Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman Not the original 1950's film
(which, in itself, IS pretty bad but doesn't really take itself
seriously - well, at least, I laughed at most of it) but the
1990' remake with Darryl Hannah. I'm not an anti-feminist
but why oh why was everything so goddamn serious? Lighten
up people - this *is* nearly the new millennium ya know!
4.
Ace Ventura Pet Detective The best thing they could have
done is eaten Jim Carrey when he was in that big black soup-bowl.
If he's not *in your face* you're waiting for the scene when
he's gonna be back *in your face* AND it's not even remotely
funny
5.
ET The worst thing Spielberg has ever done IMHO. I mean
that bicycle thing across the moon, what was that all about
eh? eh? Aliens are not loveable cuddly things that you would
just die to have hiding in your fluffy cupboard, they're miserable
evil things that eat their way out of other peoples stomachs.
Steven - Get Real!
This
was bloody difficult going - mainly because when I see a duff
film I register it by making sure I never watch it again.
These I have seen a couple of times, mainly to prove that
I was right the first time and there were NO redeemable points
to any of them.
Stina
1.Star
Wars Episode I The worst movie ever made without question.
I say this because we all expected more from the best movie
saga around. I'd rather watch the first three films with hundreds
of commerical interuptions for years before I shell out another
8 US dollars to see any Star Wars movie that does not have
a light saber slashing at the villain within 5 minutes from
the start of the movie. Long, boring (my date actually feel
asleep & snored during the movie) no action what-so-ever.
Too much talking and focus on characters like Jar Jar that
did not add anything to the storyline (if Jar Jar was supposed
to be comic relief then that in itself is very funny). The
pod racing scene was retarded and too long. Lucas did a better
(and quicker) job at showcasing a-would-be Vader's awesome
abilities when he was examined at the Jedi meeting and when
he blew up the ship accidently. I found the young actor who
played Anakin Skywalker to be unaspiring as well. AND--to
top it all--the scene that almost had the potential to redeem
the movie--when our two Jedi heroes encounter Darth Maul behind
a door--is two seconds of the worst fighting invented. I waited
two hours to see some action, and if I had coughed, I would
have missed it. Come to think of it, I wished I had coughed--to
save myself the action-tease.
2.Little
Nicky My sister decided to see Rugrats in Paris with her
daughter and I wished that I had joined them. Adam Sandler
just is retarded and not funny in this movie. It had some
big names doing little-to-no comedy at all. Taratino was the
worst. It is a shame when the only character in a movie that
is remotely funny is a talking hideous-looking doggy. Please
save your bones (dollars) or better yet watch Sandler on a
rented video tape like Happy Gilmore.
3.
Heman Masters of the Universe I saw this with the family
when I was little, but not too little to tell when something
is crap. I own mint condition Heman toys, have lots of episodes
of the cartoons on tape, and even made my brother dress up
like He-man one Halloween so that I could dress up as She-ra.
The movie did not follow Heman lore at all. It sported dumb
dialouge (even for the 80's), even dummer looking character
garb, and Dolph Lundren (who has only been tolarated when
he played a steroid-laced dumb-russian getting his butt kicked
by stupid Rocky). The best part about the cartoon is when
Heman yells 'I have the Power.' We have to wait to the very
end of the movie to hear this--and to top it off, Lundren
does not go from his puny body to the muscle-clad Heman that
the cartoon sports (and where is Battlecat?)
4.
Lethal Weapon 4 Overkill on the leading characters. Chris
Rock did not add anything funny to the movie and his character
seemed to be struggling to leave a mark. Jet Li--the worse
use of his talents outside Black Mask. This man is the best
thing in the movie and he has all but ten minutes in it. Go
rent Fists of Legend if you want Jet Li high-quality. All
this movie did for me was to confirm my belief that Mel Gibson
is getting old (Danny Glover was already too old and my Grandmother
refuses to watch anything with him in it after he beat up
Whoopi Goldberg in The Color Purple). I think I will focus
my attention on the Gladiator's Russell Crowe for some Aussie
chops worth clammering over. Oh, and this movie just sucks.
5.
The Nutty Professor II The Klumps Yes, Eddie Murphy is
on his way to becoming washed up again--unless he makes a
movie about picking up transvestite's on his way home to his
wife and kids (that might be funny--to see his wife go ballistic
like Lionel Richie's first wife Brenda). The Klumps--especially
Granny were the highlight of the first Nutty Professor bar
none. But they are the downfall of the sequel--that is to
say that Eddie just couldn't pull it off. Perhaps it was the
horrible script and the annoying Buddy Love (he is too overboard
and not funny). Or perhaps the Klumps just aren't as funny
when they have to carry the comedic weight of an entire flim
(that is to say that the writer's couldn't write a good movie
for them). Oh, but the worse thing about this movie can be
summed up in two words--JANET JACKSON. She sucks. She is not
a very good singer let alone a strong enough actress to do
anything other than look like her freak show brother Michael.
(Maybe she sould play him in a film about his crazy life).
She should get singing lessons from Tina Turner and learn
how to belt out tunes with some energy and soul (she has the
voice power of a mouse and the vocal range of a IBM computer
shutting down) and she should get acting lessons from Angela
Bassett (ie What's Love Got To Do With It) and learn how to
do anything other than waste screen space.
|
