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Movie Features

Fans Worst Movies  

Eight Pages of fans worst movies they have seen
Page1, Page 2,Page 3, Page 4,Page 5,Page 6, Page 7,Page 8

Patrick Brown

1. Armageddon "Oh no! The incredibly vital thing doesn't work!" All run around shouting for ten minutes while things blow up. Then kick it. It works. Phew. "Oh no! Another incredibly vital thing doesn't work!" Repeat until audience is muttering "hurry up and get killed so we can all go home."

2. Up at the Villa is the only movie I have seen in recent memory that outdoes Armageddon of badness is Up At The Villa which was set in Italy shortly before World War Two among a bunch of posh English people. It was adapted from a novel, aparently by someone who'd never met a human being, judging by the way the characters communicated in uninterrupted twenty minute speeches while the other characters stood around and smiled at them.

3. A Time To Kill Truly awful. I nearly fell out with the people I saw this with for making me watch it.

4. The Man in the Iron Mask try this for the "so bad it's quite funny" thing, with little Leo diCaprio. The only film I've ever seen in which someone escapes from jail up someone else's jumper.

5. Pulp Fiction The "So Overrated It's Not True" award, beating Blade Runner by a whisker, please put your hands together for Pulp Fiction.

Roger Eastaff

1. The Bodyguard the worst chick flick ever made.I had to be restrained by friends to stop me asking for my money back, and that song (Shudder) just when you think its finished it gets up and assaults you again, just like the bad guy in a cheapo horror flick.

2. Judge Dredd Total and utter disappointment.

3. Robin Hood prince of crap(Prince Of Thieves), and about every other Legend/ Historical event that Hollywood has re-written.

4. Dirty Dancing the second worst chick flick ever. cheesy dialogue, cheesy music and an ex girlfriend who used to watch it every other day.

5. Godzilla (98) Big budgets don't make great movies, every rubber suited Toho movie was miles better than this (well maybe not Godzilla Vs Hedorah). How the hell do you lose a monster that big, even in New York.

Jon P

1. The Revenge of the Pink Panther The first time I saw this I couldn't believe what Blake Edwards had done. A complete rip-off on the fact that Peter Sellers had just died and he wanted to ensure the continuation of the series. Stupid out-takes, a cobbling together of plot-strands that mesmerise in their entanglement and the jokes... ok so there weren't any jokes. Utterly, utterly dire!

2. Percy Whoever sold a studio on the idea for the first penis transplant probably laughed all the way to the bank. Not clever, not good and certainly not funny, a complete waste of the talents of most of the British comedy scene of the time (which doesn't say much!)

3. Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman Not the original 1950's film (which, in itself, IS pretty bad but doesn't really take itself seriously - well, at least, I laughed at most of it) but the 1990' remake with Darryl Hannah. I'm not an anti-feminist but why oh why was everything so goddamn serious? Lighten up people - this *is* nearly the new millennium ya know!

4. Ace Ventura Pet Detective The best thing they could have done is eaten Jim Carrey when he was in that big black soup-bowl. If he's not *in your face* you're waiting for the scene when he's gonna be back *in your face* AND it's not even remotely funny

5. ET The worst thing Spielberg has ever done IMHO. I mean that bicycle thing across the moon, what was that all about eh? eh? Aliens are not loveable cuddly things that you would just die to have hiding in your fluffy cupboard, they're miserable evil things that eat their way out of other peoples stomachs. Steven - Get Real!

This was bloody difficult going - mainly because when I see a duff film I register it by making sure I never watch it again. These I have seen a couple of times, mainly to prove that I was right the first time and there were NO redeemable points to any of them.

Stina

1.Star Wars Episode I The worst movie ever made without question. I say this because we all expected more from the best movie saga around. I'd rather watch the first three films with hundreds of commerical interuptions for years before I shell out another 8 US dollars to see any Star Wars movie that does not have a light saber slashing at the villain within 5 minutes from the start of the movie. Long, boring (my date actually feel asleep & snored during the movie) no action what-so-ever. Too much talking and focus on characters like Jar Jar that did not add anything to the storyline (if Jar Jar was supposed to be comic relief then that in itself is very funny). The pod racing scene was retarded and too long. Lucas did a better (and quicker) job at showcasing a-would-be Vader's awesome abilities when he was examined at the Jedi meeting and when he blew up the ship accidently. I found the young actor who played Anakin Skywalker to be unaspiring as well. AND--to top it all--the scene that almost had the potential to redeem the movie--when our two Jedi heroes encounter Darth Maul behind a door--is two seconds of the worst fighting invented. I waited two hours to see some action, and if I had coughed, I would have missed it. Come to think of it, I wished I had coughed--to save myself the action-tease.

2.Little Nicky My sister decided to see Rugrats in Paris with her daughter and I wished that I had joined them. Adam Sandler just is retarded and not funny in this movie. It had some big names doing little-to-no comedy at all. Taratino was the worst. It is a shame when the only character in a movie that is remotely funny is a talking hideous-looking doggy. Please save your bones (dollars) or better yet watch Sandler on a rented video tape like Happy Gilmore.

3. Heman Masters of the Universe I saw this with the family when I was little, but not too little to tell when something is crap. I own mint condition Heman toys, have lots of episodes of the cartoons on tape, and even made my brother dress up like He-man one Halloween so that I could dress up as She-ra. The movie did not follow Heman lore at all. It sported dumb dialouge (even for the 80's), even dummer looking character garb, and Dolph Lundren (who has only been tolarated when he played a steroid-laced dumb-russian getting his butt kicked by stupid Rocky). The best part about the cartoon is when Heman yells 'I have the Power.' We have to wait to the very end of the movie to hear this--and to top it off, Lundren does not go from his puny body to the muscle-clad Heman that the cartoon sports (and where is Battlecat?)

4. Lethal Weapon 4 Overkill on the leading characters. Chris Rock did not add anything funny to the movie and his character seemed to be struggling to leave a mark. Jet Li--the worse use of his talents outside Black Mask. This man is the best thing in the movie and he has all but ten minutes in it. Go rent Fists of Legend if you want Jet Li high-quality. All this movie did for me was to confirm my belief that Mel Gibson is getting old (Danny Glover was already too old and my Grandmother refuses to watch anything with him in it after he beat up Whoopi Goldberg in The Color Purple). I think I will focus my attention on the Gladiator's Russell Crowe for some Aussie chops worth clammering over. Oh, and this movie just sucks.

5. The Nutty Professor II The Klumps Yes, Eddie Murphy is on his way to becoming washed up again--unless he makes a movie about picking up transvestite's on his way home to his wife and kids (that might be funny--to see his wife go ballistic like Lionel Richie's first wife Brenda). The Klumps--especially Granny were the highlight of the first Nutty Professor bar none. But they are the downfall of the sequel--that is to say that Eddie just couldn't pull it off. Perhaps it was the horrible script and the annoying Buddy Love (he is too overboard and not funny). Or perhaps the Klumps just aren't as funny when they have to carry the comedic weight of an entire flim (that is to say that the writer's couldn't write a good movie for them). Oh, but the worse thing about this movie can be summed up in two words--JANET JACKSON. She sucks. She is not a very good singer let alone a strong enough actress to do anything other than look like her freak show brother Michael. (Maybe she sould play him in a film about his crazy life). She should get singing lessons from Tina Turner and learn how to belt out tunes with some energy and soul (she has the voice power of a mouse and the vocal range of a IBM computer shutting down) and she should get acting lessons from Angela Bassett (ie What's Love Got To Do With It) and learn how to do anything other than waste screen space.

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