Starring:
Anna Friel, Joanna Lumley, Greg Wise
There was a lot of publicity circling this film whilst it
was being produced, with interviews on mainstream chat shows
and the like, but then it failed to get a cinema release and
very quietly turned up on video.
Which should have been warning enough, but on a dull Sunday
afternoon with little else to choose, I rented this absolute
pile of trash out of my local video shop. And proceeded to
waste an hour and a half of my life.
Based on the best selling novel by Kathy Lette's, Mad Cows
tells of an Australian woman (Friel) attempting to win the
love of her life back (Greg Wise, looking nervous and out
of place throughout), but who is then arrested for shoplifting,
sent to prison, tricked in to giving her child up for adoption
and then forced to escape, find her child and Wise again.
Almost so bad that it's good, but not quite, the film's plot
moves at such a fast pace that it's very easy to lose track
of what is actually going on, especially if you find yourself
bored and uninterested in the film's events as I certainly
did.
Anna Friel is perhaps the most irritating lead character that
British film has ever seen, selfish, whining throughout, and
completely unsympathetic. Joanna Lumley remains hopelessly
stereotyped as a piece of rich totty, and Greg Wise, well,
it's doubtful if he'll ever work again after the terrible
performance he gives here.
There's also a collection of rather tragically acted cameo's
in the film, including appearances from Mohammad Al Fayed
and Noel Gallagher, which, in attempting to make the film
seem hip, cool and modern results in just making it even more
absurd.
But the real problem with Mad Cows is that it's all so ludicrous
and unbelievable. Friel being sent to prison for just stealing
a pack of frozen peas is ridiculous, and her escape from prison
even more so.
None of the characters are remotely believable, or likeable
for that matter, and the supposedly stylish camerawork only
serves in making the film look even more nonsensical.
So, all in all, with Mad Cows you've got a terrible plot,
even worse acting, a desperately unfunny script and utterly
useless direction, which all adds up to making it a candidate
for one of the worst films ever made.
Alex Finch
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