Directed
By: John Carpenter
Written By: Larry Sulkis, John Carpenter
Starring: Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge, Pam Grier, Jason Statham,
Clea DuVall, Joanna Cassidy, Richard Cetrone
Rated: R (Violence / Gore)
Running Time: 100 Min.
Yes, I
know... another summer, another movie about Mars...
With Ghosts of Mars, John Carpenter gives us his take on the
old
'space cops have to transfer a dangerous prisoner and all
hell breaks loose forcing the cops and the prisoner to work
together' plotline which we've all seen more times than we
care to remember. Heading up this epic is the main man, name
above the title, STAR of the movie, Ice Cube. Now, nothing
against Ice, I mean he's cool, he's chill, and above all he's
frosty, but is this the only guy they could find to headline
this movie? They must not have tried very hard, since I'm
fairly certain Coolio could have done as well for much less
money. Perhaps they did ask and Coolio gave them the cold
shoulder.
The story concerns members of the Mars Police Force who must
travel to a desolate mining colony to pick up a very dangerous
prisoner, Ice Cube, and take him back to stand trail for mass
murder. Before they know it, they're in the same condition
as the audience watching them; right in the middle of an awful
bloody mess. And surprise, as with all space mining colonies,
some very nasty 'co-star killers' are lying in wait.
This seems like a simple story to tell, but by the enormous
amount of monotonous voiceover, pointless flashback and unnecessary
exposition, you'd never know it. These devices are often used
in films for artistic reasons and dramatic effect, but in
Ghosts of Mars they were obviously used to patch a movie that
just wasn't working.
The M.P.F. officers find that the miners have all apparently
gone insane, since they now spend most of their time screaming
and moaning, practicing self-mutilation, piercing their body
parts and occasionally decapitating one another. Either they've
all become possessed by an ancient, long dormant spirit-like
alien presence, or they've just been listening to too many
Marilyn Manson CDs. I'm still not sure which was the actual
case.
The police are a very small group, far too few to provide
for an acceptable body-count, so joining the cast of victims
are a bunch of Ice Cube's space-homies, who attempt to aid
his escape. Hey, now there's an idea for a Mars movie! Space
Homies! I can see it now... Ice Cube and his crew cruising
the Martian wastelands in their gold-plated stretch hover-limo.
They could get the Wayans brothers to script and direct! It'll
be great! I wish I'd seen that movie instead of this one.
Anyway, enough about plot. You can imagine what happens next
and you would be right. Knowing John Carpenter's previous
work, I had imagined that this story would be told with a
tongue-in-cheek style, much like Big Trouble in Little China
and Escape From L.A., which were both more satirical than
serious. Unfortunately, Ghosts of Mars doesn't seem to have
that essential 'we know this is cheesy' attitude that may
have raised it to cult status. Also, because the story is
really told by some very overworked film editors who have
attempted to hide it's flaws, there aren't many memorable
scenes to speak of.
Lastly, ninety percent of this movie is a flashback which
is being told by one of the characters. The rule here is that,
because it's a personal recollection, there should be no scenes
within the flashback that do not involve the character telling
the story. That's called 'logic'. For most of the film, those
editors mentioned earlier do a pretty good job of this, but
near the end, even this rule is thrown out in favor of an
overblown finale.
So, that's another lousy Mars movie to add to the list. I
suppose I deserved to suffer through Ghost of Mars, since
I didn't heed my own warnings based on Mission to Mars and
Red Planet. When will I ever learn?
Allen Vestal
A.J.'s
Place: Movies & More!
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