Directed By: Takao Okawara Starring: Godzilla Rated: PG (Violent Reptile Behavior) Running Time: 80 Min.

Here it is, the 23rd feature from Toho Studio's Godzilla department. Let's take this one step at a time. First, the special effects are at least 20 years behind those of most television commercials. Second, the diologue dubbing is bad beyond belief. Third, the directing is horrible. Fourth, the continuity is, well, there isn't any. Fifth, the story makes absolutely no sense, and sixth, Godzilla is just a guy in a giant lizard suit. In other words, Godzilla 2000 is nearly perfect.

Fans of the original, non-Hollywood Godzilla, rejoice! Almost everything you could want in a Godzilla movie is here: Radioactive lizards, good scientists, evil scientists, alien invaders, super-smart little kids, useless weapons, cardboard cities, feeble attempts to rip-off famous scenes from other sci-fi movies, and not a single person who gives a damn about whether Godzilla is a boy or a girl.

I'm not going to tell you anything about the plot, but here are some highlights to look for: 1) Commander Riker's long lost Japanese twin brother

2) The flying bedpan

3) What to do when you've just drilled into something hard

4) How the new weapon will affect Godzilla (brilliant translating!)

5) The Navy scenes created with PhotoShop 6)

What a level 2 Godzilla Alert is

7) Naming the scientific discovery

8) The fireball that slows down before hitting anything

9) The alien french-kiss

10) How many times you think "Hey, that's from Independence Day!"

There are many other soon-to-be-classic moments in this film. Anyone who already likes Godzilla movies will love this one. If you're not a fan of the big green guy, then you may still love this movie, but for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it's good to be bad!

Allen J. Vestal

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