Several
years ago, I saw Cool World with some friends at a free open-air
theater. We were overcharged.
To this day it remains my standard for bad movies, against
which all others are measured and none have yet managed to
match. The plot, if I can use that term without mangling the
definition of the word, involves a cartoonist who draws comic
books about a "Cool World" of sort of gritty, stylized characters
-- vaguely Frank Miller meets R. Crumb.
He
discovers that this world actually exists when he gets pulled
into it by one of his characters, Holli Wood (yes). Already
living there is another human who got there via some terribly-explained
process after an unmotivated and irrelevant scene at the beginning
of the film; he acts as a kind of policeman, whose purpose
is apparently to prevent the cartoons from having sex with
humans (yes).
Holli Wood's purpose in bringing the cartoonist to this world,
of course, is to have sex with him. And of course they do,
and she turns into a human, and they go back to the human
world, and then cartoony things start happening; and then
the movie, to make a long story short, gets all screwed up
and then suddenly ends.
The style is pretty awful too; poorly-motivated events keep
happening, random acts of animation constantly disrupt the
action, and the mood keeps changing abruptly and drastically.
We postulated that the script was written by half a dozen
competitive screenwriters, all drinking, each of whom would
grab the script in turn and scribble down a few lines, before
another one with a totally different vision of what the movie
should be managed to get the script away from the last. The
result is not pretty.
And don't get me started about the end series of climactic
scenes, in which all hell breaks loose for no apparent reason;
one of my friends commented "Up until now, the writers have
only been drinking a _little_ bit!" The only possible motivation
I can think of for making this thing was the success of Who
Framed Roger Rabbit?. Don't think they're anything like each
other. They both have human and cartoon characters interacting,
and that's it.
And how did they get Brad Pitt for this movie, Kim Basinger,
Gabriel Byrne? Didn't any of them or their agents actually
read the script? Or did they just think "Roger Rabbit, popular,
box office good!"? There are two kinds of bad movies. There
are the old, low-budget ones, that are so poor they're enjoyable
to watch (the archetype of this category is Plan 9 from Outer
Space). Then there are the thankfully fewer that are modern,
glossy, high-budget, with big-name stars, that seem like they've
got everything going for them yet turn out to be just horribly
painful to watch. Cool World is the true king of that category.
Long may it reign. Please.
Justin
Werfel
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